It turns out that I like to write emotional essays/fanfic about the lifestyle brands of white female celebrities. So I made some images on Photoshop and collected them here for your enjoyment.
Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Perfection, and Disappointment
(March 26, 2014)
When it was first launched in 2008, Goop was widely understood to be Gwyneth’s expensive housewife hobby, an idle brag and the next logical step after marrying a rock star, having two beautiful children, and voluntarily withdrawing from show business. But the timing also coincides with Paltrow’s recovery from postpartum depression after the birth of her son, Moses, and is just as transparently a redirection of energy after a period of genuine emotional devastation. It’s her Hameau de la Reine, its excess (and asceticism) underpinned by darker realities.
The Preserve Girl: Decoding the Mystique of Blake Lively’s New Lifestyle Brand
July 24, 2014
If the Preserve Girl’s boyfriend suggests they visit a museum or see an art film, she demurs, asking “Why does society tell us that the only real art exists inside, on a wall?” When they change plans and drive downtown to see the street art mural they read about on Thrillist, she stays in the car. “Don’t worry, I can totally see it from here,” she reassures her boyfriend. “It’s so visceral.”
Staring Into the Eternal Bliss of Lauren Conrad’s Wedding Photos
September 18, 2014
Lauren Conrad is part of the reason why we don’t need romantic comedies anymore — particularly romantic comedy heroines. How could we do better than the love lives of pseudoreality stars, particularly the high-gloss, ultraproduced world of The Hills? Though the show has been off the air for four years now (and LC hasn’t been on it for five years), that is the primary text of the Lauren Conrad experience; all subsequent ventures, i.e., her non–Adam DiVello–produced life, are sequels. We’ve followed the arc of her twenties, we’ve witnessed her heartbreaks and losses, we’ve been conditioned to root for her. Lauren Conrad’s wedding, and whatever comes next, is an afterlife of sorts, which is perhaps why reading about it is so soothing.