Okay. So we’ve established that a pop star judge is generally brought onto a show for their 1) familiarity, 2) authority as a successful performer, and 3) likeability. By all three of those counts, then, Nicole Scherzinger, at least in the United States, is not a pop star. Nicole Scherzinger is not a household name. Nicole Scherzinger is best known for singing in a pop ensemble that hasn’t had a song chart since 2008. Nobody cares what Nicole Scherzinger wore to the VMAs. But why? Nicole Scherzinger has been a glorified footnote of popular music for more than a decade, why has she never been permitted to graduate to the level of a Britney or Katy or Beyonce? The answer lies in point number three: There is nothing likeable about Nicole Scherzinger. And this is not an opinion, it is an objective truth.

I’m pretty sure I just wrote my opus. (via AV Club)