My mom bought a brand-new MacBook Pro today for $800 through a few shifty tricks and credit card bonuses. We just watched some more Game Of Thrones and now she’s sitting here watching some 2011 photo slideshows that her friends made that she hadn’t been able to access before because her computer was too old, and I’m having to admit what a beautiful fucking machine this is. I usually pooh-pooh the whole cult of Apple because it’s so ridiculously out of my league and always has been, kind of like a acne-plagued nerd who just has to make himself forget the cheerleading squad exists. But now it’s like the cheerleader came over to my house to help my mom bake cookies for the PTA fundraiser and I’m standing across the room biting my knuckles and sweating bullets and wondering if mom would mind if I downloaded Adobe CS4 onto her.

Sorry, that was gross.