richardrushfield:

WES ANDERSONITES SCORNED: THE SPRITES STRIKE BACK

Last night, I posted a complete list of all the annoying things in the trailer for Wes Anderson’s new film.  Since posting it, I have rewatched the trailer and realized, I had failed my readers badly. There were about 40 annoying things that I missed and the list is woefully incomplete.

Since posting however, I have received, in comments, emails, twitters and angry reblogs - the greatest outpouring of scorn I’ve ever enjoyed in my long career, outpacing even the wrath of the Adam Lambertites when I suggested that Kris Allen was good too.   On some hand, it is somewhat impressive to know that the tribe of little wood nymph children who call Wes Anderson their leader have some violence in their blood still.  On the other hand, isn’t a decade plus of putting on skits and wearing velvet blazers and making life long doll houses supposed to calm those fragile nerves?  If you still have this much anger in you, isn’t it a sign that your leader has failed to turn you into eternal seven year old French schoolchildren as he promised?  

Here are some excerpts from my various in baskets:

 Punching in the nuts is in order, methinks.

(I guess the methinks makes it safely precious enough to still be Andersonian. Certainly people do not speak of punching in the nuts in the Aquatic world!)

 this cast is amazing also really this guy hated the word moonrise? you’re that butthurt about fucking moonrise? fuck…

(I am not actually familiar with the term “butthurt” so I am not certain whether it is actually an obscenity…or whether it is precious.  I think it is both though.) 

 The guy who wrote this is a jackass.

 Not a single word or sentence resembles anything ever seen in nature, outside of a writer who is pathetically obsessed with American Idol’s mind

(actually that one’s fair enough.  But I’ve moved on to X Factor. Get your facts straight sprites!)

Whenever I see someone complain like this I think, “I’m sorry mommy and daddy wouldn’t let you be a film major but your business degree doesn’t mean you can critique a movie.” 

(That one is actually so on the money I feel like they have cameras hidden in my house. Denied the opportunity to study film, I was forced against my will into a MBA, so I could one day make a fortune as the editor of my personal tumblr. )

wow fuck that guy

 Another “fuck that guy” This looks awesome.

 Gonna throw in a fifth “fuck that guy”. Wes Anderson has been one of my favorite directors for the majority my life

 Aaaaaannnnddd fuck that guy.

all that buttmad also, fuck yea wes anderson mmmm

(Again with the unorthodox “Butt” constructions. Is this a trend in spriteville?)

Actually  much much scarier than all the invective which at least shows some backbone are all the defenses of Anderson and all the people who think this looks cool.  I am convinced that all these Gen Y’s or Milleniers or whatever you call them who have ssuppressed their basic human instincts so deep that they happily think of themselves as eternal children romping through this precious little kingdom and destined to see all those buried instincts explode some day at which point they will become serial killers and murder us all in their sleep.  So let it out at me if you must Andersonites.  I’m happy to absorb your scorn if it will save millions of lives one day.

Beautiful work.